Its Not All Bad

Now before I start dwelling on the the negatives of dealing with obnoxious people, getting purposely and spitefully stiffed, and dealing with self-inflicted allergies (dear god...the allergies...) I want to take some time to focus on  the positives of being a waiter.

And trust me, there are some.

Anyone who either is, or ever has been a waiter can tell you that a majority of the time its a lot of fun. Its one of the few jobs where you're in constant motion. You're section is essentially your own store front. Which means that for the most part, you can conduct yourself the way you see fit to maximize your profits. And thats a HUGE one: the profits. At the right restaurant you can make a CRAZY amount of money. I'm talking two to three hundred dollars on the right shifts. While other people are punching the clock, making minimum wage, and waiting every other week to get their government taxed pay check, you on the other hand are making at least a hundred and fifty in cold hard cash in your pocket a night. And thats the slow ones.

Of coarse there are some downsides to that. Having cash on you makes it much easier to spend it. And trust me you'll spend it. Cause after long day, and raking in some pretty high mileage (we do a LOT of running around) all you're going to want is to go out with some co workers and drink it all away. Not just your problems, but all your money along with it. Its just the circle of life, and a tried and tested, time honored tradition.

And while we're on the topic of co workers, lets talk about them, since they are what can make work much more bearable. Waiters can normally be broken down into four categories:

Actors: For some reason, actors love being waiters. I don't know why. Maybe its because they've realized that a diploma in Dramatic Arts isn't going to open that many well paying job opportunities for them...if any at all. So they come to a place where they feel like they can do relatively little work, make some money, have a flexible schedule for their oh-so-many promising auditions, while at the same time putting on some sort of performance for a four-top of an audience. However, actors tend to be fun, always have a good story, and can talk to their guests with a British accent.

Gays: Again, not entirely sure what it is about waiting on tables that appeals so much to them, but it does. Probably for similar reasons as the actors. But none the less, the waiter community is a large percentage of them. I tend to enjoy them at work. Especially the flamboyant ones. Its always funny when they're in the weeds. No matter how stressed they get, they're always in a good mood.

Alcoholics/Stoners: All waiters like to drink or smoke...or both. Its just a fact of life. There are even a select few who will go as far as doing lines of coke off a bathroom sink and who know what else (you want to stay away from them...they're the psycos).  Unfortunately, if you become a professional aka spend a couple years in the business, you're going to find yourself  becoming more and more dependent on booz and weed. It helps you relax...we need that. It helps alleviate sexual tension with co workers...there's a lot. Its...well...awesome! And I'll never understand why corporate restaurants make their employs go through drug testing. OF COARSE we have drugs in our systems. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT WE DO?!

The Nice Guys: And finally we have a group I like to call the Nice Guys. This group breaks my heart. They ACTUALLY think they can go about this job being nice to everyone. Seriously! They want to be friends with everyone they work with. They want all their tables to be buddy buddy with them. They want to be the managers star pupil. What they really do is piss everyone off. Nothing pisses waiters off more then someone with a "golly-gee" attitude while everyone else is pissed off and busting their balls. They're guests wont like them either because they tend to be even more bitter then me. Thats why they've come out for crappy food. And they know that NO ONE is actually that happy to be at work. And finally the managers will do nothing but take advantage of them and their eagerness to please. I actually feel bad for this group because they try so hard for so long, but are ultimately doomed from the get-go.

So when you look at all the colorful personalities you work with, the money that you're making, the hi-jinx in the kitchen, the flirting, the overly sexual undertone, the bad decision making after work, and ultimately the fact that your are part of a community that literally spans the globe, the idea that being a waiter is actually kind of fun isnt that far fetched of an idea. Its the kind of job where you actually have no idea what is going to happen on a day to day basis. Its constantly changing.

And thus end my probably only upbeat and positive post to grace this horrendous excuse for a blog.

And as usual: We hope to see you again!

My First Post

Well, here it is. My first step into the world of blogging. Just the word blog conjures up the image of some unshaven hipster vegan sipping a double vente soy whateverthefuck latte in a Starbucks corner typing away about some new "art" exhibit on his brand new MacBook that his parents (whom he is unappreciative of, no doubt) bought for him...aka a good chunk of the people I hate.  I can assure you I am none of the above. In fact the only reason I am here is to help my fellow server by informing the public about who we are and what we do. If you are easily offended or cringe at the sight of poor spelling and run on sentences, turn back now.

You see, being a waiter isn't the easy job most people would simplify it to be. There is a lot going on in our heads. It requires an INSANE amount of multitasking and remembering. Being multilingual is a must (not only should you know basic scraps of spanish, we have our own language too). You need to be able to take a verbal beating from not only your boss, but your guests (customers) as well.  And all the while you need to have a constant smile on your face, a spring in your step, and a seemingly positive outlook. Suffice it to say, it is not a job for everyone.

So my purpose here is to write about the different things and problems that go on in a waiters day to day struggle to pay bills, make rent, and fuel our necessary alcohol addictions. And whenever I deem appropriate, I'll probably throw in another unrelated rant here and there.

And as usual: We hope to see you again!